wrigley field is MILF paradise
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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