You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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