party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Randomize