I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
