I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
