he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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