Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
