Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
