I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
