maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
