Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
