Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
do nipples grow back?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
