I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
