Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
