grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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