ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
