he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
