he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
