Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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