I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
