I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
