hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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