There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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