I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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