Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
