Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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