He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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