She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Randomize