you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
