So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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