the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
