I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
