Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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