the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
