Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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