Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
