"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
