maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
