Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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