Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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