We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
