I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
