Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Everclear isn't food dammit
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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