dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Your dad touched me again.
where am i from again
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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