Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
