are you still at the devil's house?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
