dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
