Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
