Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
