even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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