You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
