im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
