I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
