I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
