I'm lost and stupid without you.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
