I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
