wat bout pragnant strippers??
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
