everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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