i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
