I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
