You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
