There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
