she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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