you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize