i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
