last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
