This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
