I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
where does the pee come out of this thing
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
