My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
