Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
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