Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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