if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
