Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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