I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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